Mary Douglas, 10, cries every night before she sleeps. The thought of going to school every morning to face some of her classmates, who continually torment her, is demoralising.
She attends one of the popular private schools in Lagos. As a matter of fact, it is a Christian school.
Since she got into the school, in primary one and now in primary four, Douglas has had a hard time challenging those who bully her. During an award night in the school, she was nominated by her bullies as the ugliest girl in school.
Her mother, Mrs. Chibuzor Douglas, feels worse. She said she had reported to the school authorities, but little was done about the matter.
She said, “I complained to the school proprietor about the matter. He promised me that he would put an end to it; but it has lingered on. Sometimes, I consider the withdrawal of my daughter from the school as a solution.
“The whole thing makes me sad. I believe what my daughter is facing in school is what has caused her behavioural change.”
Psychologists have noted that the behavioural change in Douglas — keeping to herself — could be caused by bullying.
An Associate Professor of Development and Clinical Psychology, Mrs. Esther Akinsola, defined bullying as a persistent, threatening and aggressive behaviour directed at a weaker, younger and less powerful individual. Akinsola added that such action could be verbal or physical.
She stated, “Bullying is usually an aggressive, verbal behaviour. However, at the initial stage, it may not be accompanied by physical assaults. Bullying is not peculiar to children alone, married couples also bully one another which is why I said that it is always directed at a ‘weaker’ person.”
The psychologist said a male pupil with the realisation of being bigger and stronger than other pupils could develop the tendency to exercise authority over younger and smaller pupils.
“The pupil knows he could get whatever he wants from other pupils by bullying them. No pupil will dare him. Other younger pupils will even be scared to challenge him. Bullying is a threatening behaviour to make the victim succumb to one’s demands,” she said.
What makes a child become a bully? Akinsola says bullying is an act a child learns at home.
She said, “Children are not born to be bullies, they obviously learnt it from home. If a child grows up in a home where the father constantly bullies the mother, the child might grow up to become a bully, which is what the child was exposed to. If it is a female child, she may not become a bully, but she may end up acting like a male child. This is because she had been exposed to a rough, aggressive and volatile environment.
“Some parents are not aware of the fact that the type of environment they create at home goes a long way in shaping their child’s future. Children copy what they see their parents do.”
Gbemisola Kadiri’s story is akin to Douglas’s. Kadiri, 12, looks a little too small for her age. But this is not the reason she is being constantly bullied by her classmates – the older ones. Many times, her mother, Mrs. Folu Kadiri, has caught her daughter writing hateful notes about her life and school.
Kadiri, who was once described as a kind, sweet child is now withdrawn and quick-tempered. Even when her younger siblings try to play with her, Mrs. Kadiri said her daughter responds in an angry manner.
She said, “My daughter is in J.S.S.1. She attends a public school. Nowadays, she does not want to play with her siblings. She always looks withdrawn and lost in thoughts. When I inquired from her teacher about her behavioural change, her teacher said she was being bullied by some of her classmates. The teacher said she had tried many times to caution the pupils, but they have refused to stop the act.”
Many parents whose children are victims of bullying often find it hard to handle the matter. Advising mothers, an expert in psychology, Fagboungbe Oni, said bullying is a serious case which should not be left to the child to deal with or handled alone.
“The child needs the help of his or her parents and teachers. This is because it is a situation that subdues a child. The child won’t be himself; he would lose concentration and always think of how to escape from his bullies. This is why parents must constantly speak with their children on a daily basis. Whenever a child gets back home from school, parents should ask him or her about all that happened in school. A child who is bullied would not be happy at school and at home. If the parents notice this behaviour, they should make the child talk. The parents should also inquire from the class teacher about those bullying their child,” he said.
